Thanks to those who gave me some feedback on the last lament post. I wanted to follow it up with just a few more ideas I took away from Michael Card's 2nd lecture, which focused on the book of Job. Some of his observations of Job's friends and how they helped and hurt his lament process was particularly interesting to me, and can help us learn how to best help someone in their suffering.
It is in Job 2 that his three friends Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar come on the scene. At this point Job has had many animals stolen by raiders, some animals have been killed by fire from heaven, servants have been killed, and his own children have been killed. As if that weren't enough, Satan has gone even farther and afflicted Job with sores. Job's friends see him from a distance and begin weeping and tearing their robes. Then they do something incredible, they sit in silence with him for 7 days.
The next 30 chapters records the words of Job and his friends as they talk about his suffering. His friends try to assert that he must be guilty in some way, why else would these terrible things happen to him? That's "the equation" way of thinking that I mentioned in part 1. Of course Job defends his innocence, because he hasn't sinned, God himself has attested to Job's blamelessness (Job 2:3). Finally Job's friends give up, which Card points out is an example of the exhaustion of human wisdom in matters of suffering.
Then in chapter 32, a younger man named Elihu has been listening and finally chimes in. Card compared him to the young guy just out of seminary who thinks he has all the answers. Elihu specifically tries to defend God in all of this, and convince Job that his suffering must be a result of some kind of sin. I can relate to wanting to do this when people question God's goodness, but God does not need us to defend Him. It is interesting to note that in all of these words from Job's friends, they talk about God, but don't really talk to God.
Finally God speaks out in chapter 38-42. Card asserts that this is where God could have given the answer to the question of innocent suffering, but He doesn't. What is even more powerful, as we see in the New Testament, is that God gives His own Son as the ultimate example of innocent suffering which will actually bring about the end of all the evil in this world. God Himself, in Jesus Christ, has shared in this experience of innocent suffering, just like Job.
Michael Card ends this lecture with several suggestions for how we can enter redemptively into people's suffering. I found this very helpful since I often don't know what to do. Just remember these are suggestions drawn from Job and the advice of counselors.
-Silence (prayer is certainly encouraged in this time)
-Establish a safe place where the person can feel free to express their thoughts and feelings. Don't be like Job's friends and tell the person that they must be guilty of something to have something like this happen to them.
-Breathe (slow and deep)
-Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth of the situation to you
-Do no interrupt, don't try to fix the situation, don't try to explain why this is happening. Just be present.
-Don't touch someone when they weep, particularly avoid embracing. Apparently this can be interpreted as trying to fix things. Perhaps limit yourself to putting your hand on the person's back behind their heart. (Again, this is just advice that a counselor gave Michael Card).
Finally, it is important to distinguish between innocent suffering and consequential suffering (result of sin or choices). When the time is right, the person who is experiencing consequential suffering will need help with getting free from the sin or poor decision making that brought their suffering about.
For those who might be looking for some lament-related scriptures and songs, here's a few that come to my mind:
Scriptures
Lamentations (chapter 2 hits me especially hard)
Habakkuk (God actually does give some answers here)
Revelation 7:14-17 and chapter 21 (hope and promise to hold on to in the midst of suffering)
Songs
It is Well (Horatio Spafford)
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